The Masochism Tango
by HarmonyMarguerite
Summary: HPSS. Harry and Snape dance to the Masochism Tango. Humor and silliness abounds. You'll love it, I swear.


TITLE: The Masochism Tango  
  
AUTHOR: HarmonyMarguerite  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
PAIRING: SS/HP  
  
WARNINGS: Mentions of S/M... If you wouldn't tell that from the title, you need a vacation sweetie. There is much sillyness ahead. I ask that you double check and make sure you have your funny bone with you, because if I get any flames on this, I will hunt you down and kill you. Slowly. Painfully. Voldemort and Snape combined have nothing on me.  
  
SUMMARY: Snape and Harry dance to the Masochism Tango.  
  
NOTE: I completely blame this all on Kitty. I really do. Only because together, we think of the oddest things at two in the morning while freezing our tushies off at the fort. Like Snape... in a tutu.... Seriously, This is meant to be a fun read, it's not serious, the charaterizations are way off. Please, laugh at the story and loosen up. I'm really tired of people yelling at me for my sense of humor....  
  
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and all related things belong to the wonderful J.K.R. The Masochism Tango belongs to Tom Leher, because really, I'm not that funny.  
  
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Picture this: an empty stage. It is a Hogwarts talent show with acts that blow the mind. Little did the student body realize that the next performance was likely to send them all into a catatonic state. That is, if no one had a coronary first.  
  
It seemed safe enough, as the faint strains of a tango filtered through the room. Gentle blue lights rose, revealing someone on stage. They wore a purple dress that sparkled under the lights and swept the floor. Long black hair was pulled into a loose bun held by a ribbon and a rose. They rose their face and smiled lovingly into the audience with a gaze that was slightly wistful.  
  
There were gasps of shock and disbelief as that move revealed the person to be none other than Harry Potter. He began to sing.  
  
"I ache for the touch of your lips, dear. But much more for the touch of your…" Here there was a loud crack and red lights flooded the stage. Harry, who's dress was now red, quickly looked right where Professor Severus Snape stood dressed in black and holding a whip. "Whip dear." Harry finished. Grinning, he moved towards Severus. "You can raise welts like nobody else." He grabbed the Professor's shoulders and sashayed into the other man's body. "As we dance to the Masochism Tango."  
  
Both men looked right then left to the beat, and moved into the stereotypical tango position, holding hands and facing the audience.  
  
Severus moved Harry downstage as he began to sing. "Let our love be a flame, not an ember. Say it's me that you want to dismember." He twirled Harry out, then back in, running a hand down the other's face. "Blacken my eye, set fire to my tie…" Here he grabbed Harry by the front of the dress, pulling him close. "As we dance to the Masochism Tango."  
  
The audience was still as the men copied their earlier move before Harry broke away, falling to his knees.  
  
"At your command, before you here I stand…" He looked down, realizing he was kneeling. "Umm… sort of." Than continued singing. "My heart is in my hand. Ecch!"  
  
Severus paused, looking at Harry oddly. "Harry, put that away, this is not the Temple of Doom. Where did you get that heart anyway?"  
  
Harry blinked wide eyes at him. "But it makes it more convincing!"  
  
The whip flew into Severus outstretched hand. With one crack, he glared at Harry. "Put it away!"  
  
With a small, girlish "Eep!" Harry stood and ran into Severus' arms. "It's here that I must be." He finished singing.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Severus fell on one knee. "My heart entreats, just hear those savage beats." He raised one arm to Harry while Harry looked around in confusion. Where was that beat coming from? "And go put on your cleats, and come and trample me."  
  
Harry grinned, placing one foot on Severus' shoulder. "I don't have cleats, but will seven inch stiletto heels do?"  
  
With an audible swallow, Severus paled and gingerly removed Harry's foot.  
  
Reaching down, Harry grabbed Severus' face, pulling him to his feet as he sang: "Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany, that's why I'm in such exquisite agony."  
  
"That is not how you pronounce that, Harry."  
  
"Back off, I'm trying to make it rhyme!"  
  
Severus gestured for him to continue with an exasperated sigh.  
  
With a smile, Harry ran a finger through Severus' hair. "My soul is on fire, it's aflame with desire." He gave a feminine head toss. "Which is why I perspire when I tango."  
  
"That's disgusting."  
  
Harry dropped his voice to a whisper.  
  
"You weren't complaining when we got all sweaty last night."  
  
"… moving on…"  
  
Severus moved downstage, with a glare to his partner, holding his nose. "You caught my nose in your left castanet, love." Harry pulled out a castanet from… well, we really don't want to know, and threw a seductive look to Severus who cringed and grabbed his heart. "I can feel the pain yet, love, every time I hear drums."  
  
"Where are the drums?" Harry wondered.  
  
Wordlessly, Severus pointed upstage where Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley were beating madly on a pair of large drums, both grinning like madmen.  
  
"Oh." Harry moved to Severus, pulling the rose out of his hair as he did so. He sang again: "And I envy the rose that you held in your teeth, love." He placed the rose in Severus' mouth, running a hand down the other man's face. "With the thorns underneath, love, sticking into your gums."  
  
Severus removed the rose from his mouth and turned to the audience. "Don't try this at home, kids. Remember: thorns hurt."  
  
The audience gave a collective blink.  
  
Ignoring them, Severus continued to sing, grabbing Harry by the waist and leaning over the younger man, showing off that Harry had a really flexible back. "Your eyes   
  
cast a spell that bewitches. The last time I needed twenty stitches."  
  
Harry turned to the audience. "Actually, it was thirty-seven."  
  
"Potter…"  
  
Harry blinked innocently and smiled. "Shouldn't you be singing?"  
  
With a glare, Severus pulled them upright. "To sew up the gash that you made with your lash." At that, he pushed Harry and stalked away to the audience. Harry stumbled but recovered. "As we dance to the Masochism Tango."  
  
Harry ran to Severus, grabbing onto his shirt and screaming, more than singing: "Bash in my brain, and make me scream with pain." He whirled Severus around and lowered his voice, but still pleading. "And kick me once again, and say we'll never, ouch! Part…"  
  
Severus did kick him, causing Harry to loose his balance and land in the middle of the sentence. Harry sat, rubbing his bottom.  
  
With a sudden move, Severus dropped to his knees and began crawling seductively to Harry, causing the younger man's eyes to widen. "I know too well, I'm underneath your spell, so, Darling, if you smell something burning it's my heart. Hic! Excuse me. Heartburn, you know." His face had been right above Harry's, making the other boy turn to the audience with his nose adorably wrinkled and a slightly confused look.  
  
The stand, Harry continuing the song. "Take your cigarette from it's holder, and burn your initials in my shoulder." Severus wrapped his arms around Harry from behind, waving a lit cigarette in front of the boy's face.  
  
"How about 'Property of Severus Snape?'"  
  
"How about not?" Harry broke away, but couldn't escape Severus grabbing his shit and pulling him close.  
  
"Fracture my spine, and swear that your mine." Severus slipped his arms around Harry's waist as the younger man called the rose to him.  
  
They both sang the last part. "As we dance to the Maso…" there was a pause for a dance move in which Severus ended with the rose in his mouth. "chism Tango." Severus dipped Harry and froze.  
  
There was a lingering drum, after which Ron and Draco threw up their arms, crossing their drumsticks, still grinning.  
  
The lights went down.  
  
The crickets were chirping.  
  
Dumbledore stood. "I didn't think they would actually go through with it." He began to clap, slowly followed by the other students.  
  
Severus and Harry came out for their bows, though no one wanted to think why Harry now had the rose in his mouth.  
  
Minerva held out her hand to Dumbledore, who sighed and dropped a few coins in. "You win again." He pouted. She simply smiled as the two men on stage made a quick exit and were not seen for the rest of the night.  
  
END  
  
Are you still alive? Good. Now, see that little button down there that says review? If you hit it, it will make me happy, and I might actually finish that Taming of the Shrew/Harry Potter story I'm working on.  
  
Love you all! 


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